Hell or Heaven?
by Pomodoro Crisi
Summary: Matt's a rambling mess after Mello leaves. When he gets a surprise message, will he choose heaven or hell? written real quick so don't hate me if its awful. hopefully i'll update soon
1. Chapter 1

He just up and left. Not a single word, not a simple goodbye. Was it so hard to say just one word before you go caravanning off to your almost certain death? No it most certainly was not!

But that's what his Mello had done. Just walked away, leaving a half empty, half destroyed part of a room and a broken shell of a best friend behind. Bastard. That boy didn't deserve the air he breathed after this. Was his intention to cause him to fall into this miserable pit o' death and woe? Who the fuck knows except Mello himself? And will he ever find out? Nope, why the hell tell someone who's been beside you for the last, oh, ten years or so why the hell you're leaving him behind in some crummy place that will be like a ghost town for him? That would actually make some kind of sense.

But then again when had Mello ever made sense? Would Matt even love him if he did? No, probably not. He loved the mood-swings, the rants, the inferiority complex, the god damned chocolate far too much to love him if he didn't have at least half of these "issues." Could he forgive him for this… this hell? This pyre of despair and, to be quite honest, wanton need? Well he just didn't have an answer for that particular question yet.

He knew he was in hell though, despite having no religious background or interest whatsoever apart from the occasional craze of Mello's. The blond was a devout Catholic – or was it Christian? – even though he'd more than likely broken almost every rule whichever religion had laid down for him to follow. Despite his religious retardation, Matt knew he was in hell. A burning, video game ruining hell. He couldn't even so much as look at his games anymore. It was awful, but it was true. They were all dirtied with the memories of the one who had given them to him for one reason or another. Funny how the fact they were stolen, well most of them anyway, wasn't what made them dirty or really bothered him in any way. No it was all Mello, it was always Mello. Not a single thing hadn't been Mello since the eccentric child had proclaimed him to be his friend and the world had suddenly seemed much brighter and taken on a different form; if you will pretend that that type of thing ever really happens to anyone who isn't an actor.

He was positive the world, or his small part of it, had changed for the better that day. Now, he wasn't exactly sure. Still, even if all this pain, this dull ache, left him he would never regret ever meeting the blond. Never regret talking to him, playing the stolen games with him, getting him chocolate while he was studying to finally beat Near. He would never regret a moment with that blond addict. They were the only moments of his life worth remembering. Though you could count the day he moved in to Wammy's since it eventually led to his meeting Mello. But was anyone really counting all the memorable, irregrettable moments of his life? No, definitely not.

Matt sighed dejectedly into his pillow. He had been too long without a smoke – he was starving himself of nicotine so he had something other than his missing friend to concentrate on – and was starting to feel the real pressure of quitting cold turkey. Sure it was probably dangerous, but would anyone miss him if he went off the deep end? And how many cases were there of people going crazy for quitting cigs like this? Not many was his guess. Not many people even went through what him and… Mello had been through in their short lives.

He glared blankly over at the empty side of the room. It was probably a good thing he wasn't religious because that side of his room was practically a shrine to Mello's existence, it being the only sign he'd ever even existed outside his mind anymore. All pictures and any references to him had been "accidentally misplaced" upon his departure. He didn't even ask Matt to do it, he did it all on his own the second he realized the blond was gone. If he couldn't be near the boy to protect him, he would do his best to help from here. He hadn't found much but it was the thought that counted, right? And if he ever found Mello, which was his second project after finding out anything useful on Kira, he could share what he knew and hope it would help in some small way. If not, well he was there and he could do much more with Mello than on his own. He wasn't number three without reason.

Still, how could he have not left him anything? A note would have been plenty as long as it wasn't too sentimental. There would be no clues to where he might be heading, no hints as to whether or not he planned on ever letting Matt find him, or coming to collect Matt himself, but it would mean that he thought more of what they had than that it was just a childhood friendship that was to be forgotten in time.

Matt whined, annoyed even as it escaped his mouth that such a noise was being forced from him by the mere thought of the blond. He wasn't going to get much sleep if his brain didn't just shut off for the night. He was at a loss for how to actually flip it off though. Usually by the time he was done with his investigation for the day, which included hacking in to several international databases around the world, he was ready to drop. He had been falling asleep in his chair earlier, yet here he was three – or was it four? – hours later still thinking where the damnable blond may be and if he was alright wherever he was.

He had a crazy idea. He slid out of bed clutching his blanket around him tightly, hoping he wouldn't trip on any of the wires scattered across the floor, and made his way to Mello's previous bed. Before he even touched a single inch of linen he could smell the faint scent of Mello, chocolate mixed with leather mixed with some foreign body wash that smelled strangely like grapefruit. He breathed in deeply, wishing he could just hold the scent of him in forever and use that to pretend he was still there. That wasn't happening any time soon. He was probably already going mad, why speed the process along?

Sighing, knowing he would regret this in the morning, he crawled in to Mello's bed and pulled the pillow to him. Mello's scent flooded his senses making him dizzy for a moment but ultimately calming him down enough that his brain started its shut down. Just a simple scent and he was feeling better. Funny how things worked sometimes.

Taking one last deep breath, Matt fell into the dark pit of sleep, undisturbed for the fist time in weeks.

"_Finally Matt. It took you long enough." Mello droned from his bed, text books scattered around him in a small circle. How the boy managed to read all those books was a mystery to Matt, his were stashed safely under his bed. Wouldn't want to bend that spine now would we? "Well don't just stand in the door, bring me my chocolate so I can get back to work." _

_Matt sighed. Mello never changed. It was always work the day before a test, but every other day was whatever he felt like doing at the time, namely hanging robots and trains from trees. But that was just the way Mello was, it was what made him Mello. It was why Matt loved him. Sure they were only just getting into their teen years, but hormones grew quickly in boys and being a genius did not make one an exception. _

_Yes, Matt knew all about what he felt for the boy now sitting in front of him. It wasn't as if he hadn't thought it over, thought there were some other explanation for the way he felt. He knew what people thought about homosexuals, but he really didn't consider himself to be one. The only person he was even remotely interested in was Mello, maybe that just meant he was straight and found Mello to be the only person on this world of enough interest to bother being attracted to. Regardless of his sexuality, he was sure he was in love with the blond. He just lacked the articulacy to put his feelings out where Mello could see them._

_He had thought of some odd ideas in the time since he'd first realized, but none of them were really _him_. They didn't scream 'This is how Matt feels! Love him dammit!' which was probably not an overused way of putting things, but that made it more unique in his opinion. _

_He could just come out and say it bluntly, that's what Mello always did about sensitive subjects. Like when he told a girl about her hamster falling off the bookshelf he had put it on. It wasn't his fault the stupid thing decided to jump off the shelf. Personally he thought it wanted to die, that girl was a pain in the ass. But he wasn't much for words. Action, that was his thing. Most likely picked up from the King of Action himself. _

_Matt snickered at the name earning a cocked eyebrow from Mello before he returned to whichever subject was most important at the moment. _

_Action really was the best way to go. Never any way to misunderstand an action. If you were mad, you punched something. Happy, you laughed. In love… that was slightly more complicated to display but movies and video games were good for something. A simple peck. Yes that would work fine for someone like Mello._

_Only thing to do was to get his attention off his books and on him where it belonged. At least for a few minutes, then he could study to his hearts content._

_Matt leaned forward, careful to place his hand on the exact paragraph the boy before him was currently deciphering. German. Funny, it seemed as if he knew the whole language already for all he used it. Or maybe that was just the curse words. _

"_Matt, move your hand before I move it to the other side of the room." Mello hissed. The redhead simply smirked and flipped the book closed, making sure he memorized which page it had been on so Mello wouldn't kill him later. If he didn't kill him now. He certainly looked like he might, then again he always looked that way._

_He smiled and moved the book out of his way so he could get up as close to the blond's face as his crossed legs would allow. "No I really don't think I will, Mells."_

_The ice blue eyes glared at him from under light bangs, not all together threatening if you knew he wouldn't hurt you if his life depended on it. _

"_Matt, move right the fuck now or I swear to God I'll… " he was cut off as Matt crushed his lips over his. _

_It wasn't perfect, it wasn't magical, hell it was barely a kiss. But it was… comfortable. Well, for Matt it was. Mello looked about to keel over by the time the redhead pulled away._

_He smiled again, knowing he had gotten the message across. He didn't even wait for the blond to come out of whichever world he now inhabited before jumping from the bed and into his own. It was three in the morning after all, not everyone spent all night reading German literature._

"_Night Mells." he called happily over his shoulder._

"_Y-yeah… Night… " was the shaky reply he got back._

Matt made his way back to the waking world to find sun in his eyes. Well, that really sucked. Since when had sun reached his bed? The window was facing Mello's… oh. He had forgotten he had fallen asleep on Mello's bed the night before.

He rubbed his eyes, vainly trying to get the last bits of sleep out of them. His hand was wet when it came away. He was crying? That was rare. What could have made him… That dream… It was the first time he had ever kissed Mello. The start of him not being able to let the boy out of his sight for more than a few hours at most. The start of everything, as far as his meager existence was concerned.

He buried his face in the now damp pillow. Why was this happening to him? Why? Why could he just have one day where his ever thought wasn't consumed by that irritating, blond, chocoholic boy?

Mat wanted nothing more than to lie with his face in the pillow all day, breathing in the remains of his friend, but a beeping was coming from his computer. Had he left it on? He was usually pretty strict about turning it off in case anyone happened to come in while he was asleep.

He blinked up at the screen blearily. A box flashed in the middle. Email? Who the hell would be sending him mail at, he glanced at the clock, eleven in the morning? On a Saturday no less.

Groaning he dragged himself out of bed, keeping the blankets around him to block the chill from outside. It had snowed again last night. Some might say it was pretty, but to Matt it was nothing but an annoyance. Clicking the box lazily, he sat back in his chair only to shoot back up when he read the first lines.

_Hey Matt, _

_Bet you thought you were rid of me huh? Well, I guess I wouldn't blame you if you did think that. But I get to tell you how wrong you were now so its not all that bad. _

_Uhm… don't really know what to say. _

_I feel like a prick for not saying goodbye and all. I just had to leave so fast I couldn't wait for you. If I had… well, I probably wouldn't have left… _

_I managed to find some good leads with Kira though. I had to do some pretty messed up things to get them, but it'll all be worth it in the end. _

_Oh! I have good news! Now that I finally found somewhere more or less steady to stay, you can come too… if you want. With me gone you are number two. Technically number one since that fucking sheep is now L. Did you know there were two Ls now? One of them is supposedly a fake being used by the Japanese police to keep order. Pretty fucked up huh? We spend our lives trying to be him and some guy just gets the spot handed to him out of nowhere? _

_Anyway, you're probably wondering why I didn't just take you along in the first place. Its simple. I had no idea where I was going to go, or what I was going to so for connections, or anything really. And from what I did, I wouldn't let you be a part of that ever. It could have killed me, almost killed me._

_But everything's safe now, more or less, for you to come meet me if you still want me. Its up to you. I wont force anything on you._

_We could use you though. No one in this country can hack quite like you. Took these guys weeks to get in to a system you cracked when you were eight. I couldn't stop laughing at how stupid they were. _

_Well I've sent you the address, which is coordinates – you'll know why if you decide to come – and I set up a plane for you. All the times are in your computer already. I kinda broke in to make sure you got this now rather than later… sorry. I swear I didn't do anything but send this and give you the information you need. Check if you like._

_So I hope I'll see you soon… ah you know I'm not good with the emotional stuff but I really miss you. No one here is anything like you, its impossible to have an intelligent conversation with anyone._

_Mello_

_P.S. – if you decide not to come please destroy the file and this email. Its dangerous to have stuff like that floating around._

Matt gaped at the screen. So… he cared? He was just trying to protect him? He _missed_ him?

Well what the hell did he do now? It was either spend weeks trying to forget the boy or go to God knows which country and help him. Hell or heaven? Which did he choose?

**AN: so i just typed this up real quick. it was eating away at me to write another fic with Matt and Mello. i actually skipped all my homework to do it... i don't feel like reviewing it so if there are any mistakes tell me and i'll fix them.**

**tell me what you think ok? reviews are love!**


	2. Chapter 2

It was much easier to simply assume Matt went to Los Angeles because Mello told him to than to actually listen to the full story of his decision. Yes the result was ultimately the same as it would have been if he had just followed the email blindly. One just happens to be longer than the other.

Matt continued to gape open mouthed at his computer screen, forcing his brain into some semblance of working order while parts of it were still trying to figure out if he were awake or not. Sure, he could simply assume this was some immensely genius person who had decided to break in to his system, but if there were such a person who could do that with no inside knowledge, why weren't theyat this school for the intellectually gifted? Or had they simply left like Mello to pursue some crazed maniac on their own and Matt had never heard of them before? No that wasn't very possible. He had too many firewalls and viruses programmed to infect any computer that tried to get in, it would be impossible for someone who hadn't helped set them up to even begin to unravel them. And there was the inevitable answer. Mello had helped set them up, some of them had even been his idea, he knew how to get around them.

Now the question was whether or not he believed what the blond had said. It was so easy to lie over the internet, he could easily be saying he missed him to get him to come and then use him for anything he didn't feel like doing himself. It had been that way before, but he had trusted Mello completely then, he was still predictable and he was still his best friend who had promised never to leave him alone. Well, he was alone now wasn't he? Where had that promise gone? Out the damn window when L had been killed, that's where. He had been shoved to the backseat for all of two days before everyone was informed and Mello had left. And now backseat he shall remain.

Still… the thought of at least seeing Mello again, helping him, was tempting. Every nerve in his body was itching to jump up, pack the first thing he set his eyes on and fly off to wherever the blond needed him. But he had to think this over. He had to be sure. Then again if things turned out badly he could just leave. Mells knew he would never tell where he was working, he wouldn't do anything that put the boy in danger. He'd help him get into dangerous situations, but then only if they both knew they could control them.

Aw, hell, going there was easier than sitting here everyday bored and alone. Might as well have some fun before he screws himself into the ground.

With a sigh Matt untangled himself from his blanket. Even through the jitters he could feel the cold seeping through the thin cloth of his night shirt. Hot weather really seemed nice compared to this insane cold. Was Los Angeles hot this time of year? He'd never been there before. Why would he anyway? America was a wretched country in his opinion. But that's where Mello was so he would go. He was certain he'd go to the ends of the earth for that boy. Further even, should it be required.

Matt simply picked up whichever items of clothing and handheld games he saw and threw them into a duffle bag. No luggage check for him, too risky. He erased all pictures of Mello and himself, storing them on a flash drive beforehand. He would have to bring his laptop with him, too many important files were on the thing to leave behind.

Looking around the room from the door, Matt laughed quietly. This was probably the last time he'd ever see the room he'd been sharing with Mello since they were little kids and he couldn't even feel a bit sad about it. Sure there were memories and sentimentality and all that fun crap, but it wasn't like the world was just this little room. It had felt like that so many times he'd stopped counting, but it wasn't true. He had to move on to bigger things than just one small room. There were hundreds, millions, of people being murdered right this second in the world, he couldn't just hole himself up and not add, however miniscule his part may be, to the search for this guy. He smiled at the thought.

Before he thought too much about it, he picked up Mello's pillow and put it in the bag too. It was a long flight to California after all.

Mello could have mentioned that the damn place was in a desert. It was five hundred fucking degrees out and he was in jeans and a stripped fucking shirt. With leather boots for fuck's sake! Was the blond trying to kill him? And how the hell did he find coordinates for the middle of fucking nowhere? That boy was dead when he found him. Making him sweat like this was inhumane.

There was a metallic clinking somewhere to his left, followed by a small cloud of dust over a square cut into the bedrock. Well, that was certainly… original. At least it was well hidden. He could feel cold air rushing out of the sunken staircase, cooling his heated skin. Who the hell said hot weather was nice anyway?

He only gave it a fleeting thought that this may just be some trap. Who else but Mello would hide in the desert anyway? It's not exactly the resource capital of the world.

A bubble of joy made its way in to his mind. He was here, Mello was here. He was going to see him again. They were together. Everything would be alright. This was his Heaven. He walked resolutely down the metal staircase, forcing his steps to remain normal. He was excited but Mello didn't need to see him like that, nor did the rest of whoever was down there with him.

A large man, definitely Mafia, met him at the bottom, leading the way to some odd room that was more like a stone box than an actual room. It housed computer systems, most of which were his design – good to see he had made an impact – and a few couches that held the bulky bodies of five more Mafia looking men and a few questionable women. No wonder he didn't go for them, they were liars all of them. Was he always this critical about people? He couldn't remember being that way before Mello left. Weird.

Speaking of Mello, he was sitting on the back of the couch farthest from where he was standing. He was probably the only man in the room not built like a mountain or being fawned over by a girl in a small outfit. Probably because he looked like a girl himself, albeit a flat chested one.

Matt stood awkwardly, on the inside at least, before the questioning eyes of all but one of the room's occupants. Did they really need to stare? Sure he was a bit out of the ordinary looking but these guys were fucking giants and he wasn't staring at them like specimens under a microscope. Did no one have courtesy these days? They didn't notice the pressure he was facing in his mind. There was a reason he was only number three, being number one meant too much notice, too much responsibility… too much no Mello.

Thankfully Mello had known him for so long he knew about the stage fright and his reaction to being stared at like this. He simply clapped his hands and all attention was diverted to him at once. Interesting. He was the leader of this Mafia then? No wonder he said things had been dangerous. Becoming the leader of a Mafia was not something one did spur of the moment or without proper planning.

"Everyone, this is my new assistant, Matt. You don't like him, I don't give a fuck, you answer to both him and me now. Think its unfair, walk out now, but expect a quick death."

Three sentences and instant response. All the room's occupants went back to whatever they had been doing before. He could tell they weren't happy about the idea of listening to someone like him, and to be honest he didn't like it very much either. At least Mello had bought enough loyalty to keep them both from being gunned down where they stood, or sat.

"Let's go Matt. I need to show you where to put your stuff." The blond stood and led the way through a door Matt hadn't noticed before. It blended so well with the wall it was almost nonexistent. No one moved from their spots, but he felt a pair of eyes follow his friend out. He peeked back to see the gorilla who had brought him down watching Mello's leather clad back as it disappeared. There was… longing in his eyes. The man had the hots for _his_ Mello! What the hell kind of people did he let stay here, god.

Mello hadn't seemed to notice the man undressing him mentally, or ignored it if he did, and continued to lead the way down a dark corridor lined with similar doors to the one they had entered from. He was going to get lost in this place so often he was already thinking where he should hide emergency food. The blond had stopped in front of a door and was staring at him curiously. He hadn't noticed he'd been staring at the blond's back too. The ice blue gaze caused a faint tint to cross his cheeks. He had never loved darkness so much in his life.

"This is technically my room, but I'm sharing with you until I'm sure those guys won't kill you in your sleep. They don't entirely agree with me having killed their previous leader. They might go after you just to get back at me somehow." He handed Matt a gun. He held it laxly, not liking the way it felt in his gloved hand. It felt dangerous and stupid, he would most likely hurt someone if he even tried to fire it. "Carry that at all times. There's a safety on it, I suggest you put it on since I know you've never used one before. If you need to use it, I'll tell you beforehand."

They stared at each other for a moment, eyes locked trying to convey some secret message. Well, Matt was anyway. He wanted to say so many things to the boy in front of him it was ridiculous that he couldn't just get one sentence out. Finally Mello looked away to open the door. The room within was identical to how his half had looked at Wammy's. chocolate wrappers and leather everywhere, a stack of books on a desk next to a laptop – still studying even away from any place that requires it, that was the Mello he knew – and only one bed…

"Uhm… not that I didn't miss you and all Mells, but where am I going to sleep if there's only one bed?" he knew the answer he just hoped he was wrong. Sleeping in the same bed as the blond would be the end of him and he knew it. He'd die of embarrassment, or shock, whichever came first. Somewhere a higher being was laugh his ass off.

"Well of course we're sharing a bed Matt. What did you think I was going to do? Let you sleep on the floor? No, you need to be near me so I can be sure nothing happens to you. I didn't bring you here so you could become a target for some steroid huffing gorillas."

The obvious nervousness peaking through the know-it-all tone made Matt's blush return. He was worried he wasn't going to stay here, wasn't going to stay with him? What would possess him to think that? He voiced his question, eagerly awaiting the answer.

He was not disappointed.

"I left you Matt. I left you in that place all alone and didn't even say anything before I did. I promised I'd never leave you alone and I broke that promise. I'm a horrible excuse for a friend. I honestly expected you to refuse to come because of me. I'm so sorry, if there were any other way, I would have taken it believe me. But I had to make sure you were kept safe. Even now it's not safe but I need you here because being as far from you as I was was driving me up a fucking wall. I went through almost four hundred dollars worth of chocolate already… "

He couldn't help it, Matt laughed. Everything he had felt, Mello had felt too. He wasn't unwanted, wasn't alone, he was important to the boy just as he was important to him.

Mello glared at him. He was crazy for laughing, but he was just so happy. He opened his mouth to apologize when his eyes caught sight of something he recognized as his own. A blue quilt he had thought was lost in the laundry. He had looked for it for weeks. It was frayed just as it had been the last time he'd seen in and just as unwashed. Which was kind of disturbing, but not too out there since he'd been sleeping on a dirty pillow the night before… and on the plane…

The blond followed his gaze and took his turn to blush. "It… smells like you…" he said as way of explanation. Matt laughed harder pulling out Mello's pillow as he did.

"I slept on it last night because it smelled like you." He managed between laughs and gasps for air. Mello's lips quirked up and soon he was joining in the laughter as well.

"I need to unpack I think, and get some sleep. That flight was horrible. Where did you get the idea that a helicopter was a suitable vehicle for traveling across continents? And walking through a desert? Would it have been so hard to simply send a car? You can afford a damn helicopter for Christ's sake." Mello laughed and smacked the redhead lightly.

"Of course I could have sent a car, but I figured you would want to stretch your legs a bit." He spoke as if it was a well understood fact that people enjoyed treks in the blazing heat. "Besides I told you we were in Los Angeles, you should have dressed cooler."

"It's snowing in England, you idiot. Why the hell would I have any 'cooler' clothes laying around when its snowing?"

"You should have been prepared for any circumstance when it involved me and you know it. Don't blame your faults on the weather Matty. Its unbecoming."

Matt scowled and swatted at the blond's head. The boy ducked and pushed the redhead back onto the bed as if they were ten again and simply being the kids they were supposed to be.

"Get some rest. You need to show the idiots out there what your worth tomorrow so I don't have to watch you all the time." he smirked. Matt knew he wouldn't mind that one bit, but Mello was a busy… was he a man? He was only what? 15? But he was leader of a Mafia. Did that make him a man? No not really. He was still just a boy to him, even if he was only a year older than himself.

He smiled fondly as he curled up on the bed, throwing his goggles somewhere near the desk. The whole room smelled like the blond. It was like heaven on earth. Promising him good things and happiness.

Then why did he feel a pit of anxious fear creeping into the back of his mind?

**AN: damn i managed to update in less than 24 hours for once. i'm really not pleased with this but hopefully it'll get better. i'm making things up as i go along as of now. i know where i want to go, i'm just unsure of how to get there as is always my problem.**

**reviews are love peoples! and it means faster updates**


	3. Chapter 3

If anyone had told him that his anxious feelings would go away when he woke up he would have hit them. The feeling went no where, it got worse.

He had woken up with blond hair tickling his chin, which was much better than he had thought it could be, but after a few seconds of awkwardness Mello was back into Mafia mode. He was always wary at Wammy's but this was just overdoing it. He jumped the second anyone reached for their pocket. It was subtle, no one who hadn't spent most of their life with him would have noticed it, but it was there. Or maybe it wasn't excessive… He had been told that he needed to be watched carefully and now carried a gun in the front pocket of his jeans. The safety was on so there would be no accidents but it was still a bit intimidating to think he may actually need to use it.

Following Mello into the main room of the place – hideout? – ended up the same as the day before. Everyone stared, the blond said little more than ten words and everyone ignored him unless he directly asked a question. He tried to avoid it though. They looked like they wanted to kill him every time he opened his mouth.

At least the system worked well with his laptop. He didn't even need to ask Mello anything to hook up with it; most of it was programs he had designed when he had first come to Wammy's. Nice to know he was appreciated. He also had ten times the information and power he'd had at Wammy's and had more than doubled the amount of information on Kira in less than three hours. The Mafia members were surprised, if their now nonexistent glares were anything to go by. He had managed to break in to every major police agency on every continent, anyone would be impressed. Maybe he'd never need the gun. He still wanted to stay in the room with Mello though.

Everything was looking pretty good. Then why was he still anxious? He had thought it was just the idea that he might get shot if he slipped up, but that threat was virtually gone after he had handed over volumes of information they had never even considered. Even with the room's approval, however grudging it might be, he could feel eyes boring into his back. He knew Mello had noticed them by the sheer amount of chocolate he was consuming. Where did he get the money for all that stuff?

Matt covertly glanced behind him, pretending to look at some girl doing a disgusting excuse for a dance in the far corner, and saw the offending eyes. The gorilla that had been checking Mello out last night was glaring at him openly. Did anyone notice this, or did they just not care? He sighed and turned back to his work. He wasn't going to get into it with this guy so soon after getting there, it could wind up in getting both Mello and himself killed. He didn't doubt the blond could use a gun flawlessly, he just wasn't sure if he could stand there and watch someone point a gun at the boy with out doing something stupid. Why was he even worried about that anyway? It was him who would have to gun to his head if he did anything, not Mello. The blond wasn't likely to jump in front of a bullet for anyone, he had too much he needed to live for. No, he made someone mad he was on his own. He wouldn't let Mello die before he caught Kira.

His days in the Mafia hangout went more or less the same for a few weeks. He watched Mello's back, keeping the gorilla, whose name he had found out to be Frankie – not very frightening if you asked him -, as far away from the blond as he could without being obvious. The guy hadn't made it clear he was eyeing the boy like a piece of meat in a window, only Matt seemed to have noticed at all. It ate away at him at night to the point that he couldn't sleep even after days of nonstop research.

Mello was his, dammit. He had known him longer, he had been his family for years, he was the only person the blond had. This guy was nothing but a henchman to him. Worthless. Expendable. There were millions of people that could stand around, looking tough, without lusting after boys half their age.

And Mello was fucking oblivious to it! How did you not notice something like that? He had realized it the first fucking day for Christ's sake! He wanted to smack his friend and scream at him over it every night it made him so mad. But that would get him in trouble, surely he would be killed the second he said something so bold. Or worse, Mello would laugh at him. He wouldn't be able to live with that kind of torture.

If he wasn't going to notice the obvious sexual desires being aimed at him, couldn't he at least _dress _differently? He didn't even own a shirt that covered his entire torso. And his pants, God those fucking leather pants. They were always right on the very bottom of his hips, showing every fucking curve and crevice of the boy's body. They were just screaming for some testosterone filled gorilla to fucking rape him. The thought of anyone other than himself ever touching the blond like that made him grind his teeth in irritation. He wanted to throw one of his shirts over his head every morning just to keep prying eyes from imagining what was underneath.

What angered him the most was that he had no say in what Mello wore, he had no claim to his loyalty in anything but their friendship. He wasn't the guy's boyfriend – did he want to be? – he couldn't just tell him to wear something else so he could sleep normally without nightmares of him being attacked. He had no right.

He wanted to have that right though. Wanted it more than air, more than any game or game system that would ever be made. He wanted to run his hands through that blond hair because he knew it would feel like silk. He wanted to touch every surface that was under that leather. Wanted to make Mello his, and only his. Just like he was only Mello's whether the boy knew it or not. Just because they kissed didn't mean they had ever really expressed any feelings of love for each other. Matt knew he loved the boy and would more than likely love him until the day he died. And he wanted to tell him, and remind everyday. And get the same back, whether he waited ten minutes or ten years. It didn't matter as long as the time was spent with Mello.

He was hopelessly in love with the guy and he had to watch that fucking gorilla look at him like he was planning to fuck him into the fucking cement floor.

He growled under his breath, hoping Mello didn't hear him from his seat at the desk. They were wasting time in the blond's, and he supposed his, room waiting for a report from some plan a few people had been sent out to accomplish hours ago. With nothing to do, Matt was playing Zelda on his PSP. Good thing he had thrown that in his bag, this place had nothing in way of games. Actually it was surprising they even had running water down here much less electricity.

"Well?" The question surprised him. He hadn't thought Mello had heard him.

"Well what, Mells?"

"Why the hell are you growling like that? Its getting annoying.

"Just thinking, that's all."

"Well stop it. I can't concentrate." He turned back to his books, effectively dismissing the redhead. He had peaked his curiosity though. Why was Mello still studying when he wasn't required to?

He snuck behind the chair, carefully avoiding the miscellanies items that covered the floor. Sliding his arms lightly over the blond's shoulders, he spoke against the boy's neck, enjoying the shiver it sent down his spine.

"What are you reading?" That was an innocent enough question. Much less dangerous than the other thoughts that came to mind from this position. He could see the curve of the boy's chin. Forcing his mind from the idea of kissing it, he simply rested his chin on a shoulder and waited for an answer.

"It's Japanese. I need to speak with someone in Japan soon and I need a bit of practice." Matt noted the small quiver in his voice. Interesting. He might just learn something today too.

"I thought you were fluent in Japanese already. Why practice if you already know everything?" he was careful to let his lips slide over his throat while he spoke, loving how he could hear the pulse accelerating in the boy's veins.

"I am. Like I said, I need to practice. The person I'm going to be speaking to was born in Japan, if I sound like me it'll be easy for them to know where we are, or at least guess."

"Mells, you sound like you're from six different countries. If anyone can tell where you are or where you're from, it won't be some Japanese… person." He couldn't think of a better name for whomever it was he was going to be speaking to since he knew nothing about the person. He doubted they would be able to figure out where they were just by Mello's accent though. It had taken him several months.

"It's good to be precautious." he replied bluntly.

"Sure Mells, whatever you say." he let his tongue dart out just a bit, pretending to lick his lips, while letting the muscle barely graze over the boy's skin.

Mello opened his mouth to say something, his eyes much more heavily lidded than when he had been reading, but that was as far as he got before Frankie strolled in apparently never having been taught manners. Fucking bastard. He had been having fun. Mello glared at the man, demanding answers without speaking. Frankie saw nothing but Matt, his eyes narrowed and sending goose bumps up his arms. He refused to shiver and let him see the effect he was having on him.

"What the hell do you want?" Mello demanded, clearly not pleased by the attention directed at his friend.

"They managed to capture the director. Where do you want him?" Frankie's eyes never left Matt nor did Matt move himself from Mello. He glared back in defiance, daring the larger man to say something.

Mello nodded in acknowledgement. "One of the lower rooms should be fine. Be sure to tie him up."

Frankie nodded once, glared at Matt a moment longer and then left, shutting the door behind him. The redhead was more than happy to continue grating reactions out of Mello, but he knew it would have to wait. Mello's admirer had made the boy tense and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on. It was clear in the set of the boy's shoulders that he was angry at the boulder, but it wasn't as if he had been staring at him as if hoping it could kill him. Still… something was breaking inside him and he didn't have any idea what it was.

Mello all but jumped from his chair, causing Matt to stumble back a bit. He needed to channel whatever this feeling was into something. His captive was the only one around he could do anything to, not that he was going to abuse the man, that wasn't the way he worked and he certainly wouldn't spill unnecessary blood with Matt around.

"I'll be back in a bit. Keep the door locked. I don't like the way Frankie was looking at you. He's not the brightest but he could still be planning something." And with that Mello walked out the door, clicking the lock behind him.

Great so now he could sit around and do nothing but wait for him to come back. What was he, a house wife? Well, he wasn't making the blond any fancy dinner for when he came back. And he wasn't cleaning either. Matt flopped on the bed in a silent protest to do anything more than think. And think about what? Mello's reaction to Frankie and himself might be nice.

What was all that anyway? He understood why the gorilla was staring at him like that, but why did Mello get so… angry wasn't the right word. Jealous? Could he be jealous of the attention he thought Frankie wasn't giving to him? Maybe he felt the same… attraction for Frankie that the man felt for him. Well if that wasn't a sobering thought. All of his joy from messing with Mello just melted away. At the time he thought the blond was shivering because he was enjoying it too, now… could it have been in disgust? Was he only so anxious to leave so he could spend a bit of time with that gorilla?

He groaned and brought his knees to his chest in an effort to keep himself together. Maybe coming here hadn't been such a good idea. Sure he was helping and being with Mello was nice but if he really was fooling around with Frankie, he didn't want to be around to see it. No, he refused to believe something like that. The Mello he knew didn't go for someone as intellectually inept as that brick wall; he had even said he wasn't very bright.

Something Mello had said lodged itself in his mind and was currently burning a hole to hide itself in. Mello had also said he thought Frankie was planning something. If that look meant what he thought it did, and he was very good at reading people based on how they looked at something, then he was trying to get Matt as far from Mello as possible, to get Mello for himself. Of course, he had already known the guy wanted him, but this was just insane. Was he really so horrid a person he needed to get rid if everyone that could even possibly be in his way? Where had "alls fair in love and war" gone? Maybe he couldn't tell that Mello didn't want him like that, that they would only ever just be friends. Very close friends, but still just friends.

This guy wasn't smart enough to back off though. He wanted something and he was going to go to whatever lengths he needed to get it. Probably some messed up family issue behind that but Matt didn't very much care for the pasts of rivals. He would have to play the game properly, no screw-ups this time. He had the advantage of having known Mello most of his life therefore knowing what made him tick, but Frankie had the advantage of being able to use an actual firearm not just a virtual one.

He rolled to his side, retrieving his PSP from where he'd dropped it earlier. He played viciously, putting Frankie's face on each demon he killed. By the time he finished and was wrapping a blanket around himself to sleep, he had decided the fight for Mello was more than worth any threat to his life.

Let the games begin.

** A/N: god i had such a hard time uploading this. it was driving me crazy. but its up finally! i know its a bit short but i have 2 more to put up today that are better that i hope will make up for it. **

**review please!**


	4. Chapter 4

The game was far more dangerous than Matt had anticipated. Frankie had apparently gotten a few friends to help him try and frighten him off. They had pushed him against a wall while on his way back from the restroom and given him a few good hits. They had been tricky to hide from Mello but he wasn't going to back down because of a couple of thugs. He was a genius dammit, he wasn't going to be pushed around. The prize waiting for him was far too great.

He did, however, change his strategy a bit when some men conveniently decided they needed to polish their various firearms whenever he was in a room. He was going to have to be sneaky, get Frankie away from Mello as much as he could. It worked surprisingly well at first too. Mello was never in a room without him, except for bathrooms, and nearly always had his eyes locked on his friend as if he would disappear should he remove them. This annoyed Frankie more then before and he had more or less told Matt if he so much as touched Mello he would have a new hole in his head. Such an articulate person, Frankie.

When the blond was satisfied he wasn't going to evaporate, he went back to sitting around with his chocolate, thinking of his next move, or he was somewhere below the level Matt was on. He never found out what was going on down there. Mello told him it was better if he didn't know, and he believed him. If he really needed to know Mello would tell him. He did come back looking extremely happy one night. He still wouldn't explain why and Matt was fine with that, he was just glad to see the boy happy. Even if it did concern something he was sure was more dangerous than the Mafia they were currently sharing this… residence with.

After a few months of his "game" with Frankie, he decided it was time to get a little more involved than simply sticking as close to the blond as he could. Frankie would never see half of what he was doing but Mello would, with luck, be noticing him more then the gorilla.

It was more of an experiment though, to see how Mello would react to certain… attentions. Truth be told he was still worried the blond's reaction the other night had been from something that wasn't pleasure. He didn't want to be wasting his time if he was just going to be shot down, metaphorically, if he got Frankie to back off. It had been keeping him up at night to think that Mello might have been disgusted by him. He would lie in bed at night, staring at Mello's back, and wishing things were easy and he could just up and tell him everything.

That would be useless if the blond thought the idea of being with him was the most repulsive thing he'd ever heard. He had to be sure.

Mello was sitting at his desk again, bent over his laptop searching through page after page of research frantically. Something… odd had happened earlier and he wasn't quite sure how to explain it. This notebook - apparently used by Kira, but who knew – had _flown_ through the air. It landed on a guy – Randal? – and he'd started screaming about seeing some shinigami. He claimed if we all touched the notebook we could see him too. Personally, Matt thought he was fucked up in the head, but the notebook had flown so they all touched the book and sure enough there was a shinigami. The idiots had shot at the thing, as if that would do anything. Only Mello and himself managed to stay calm. Well, until Mello had gotten to a computer away from the crowd. Then he got tense and wouldn't look away from the screen.

Matt wanted to change that.

He walked over, and much like the other night, placed his arms over the smaller boy's shoulders. His lips coming to rest right next to Mello's ear. He felt his friend stiffen and bit down on a chuckle.

"Are you still studying? Or is this something new?" he made sure to whisper so the blond would give all his attention to him. He smiled as a shiver ran down the boy's spine. Definitely not disgust then.

"Its… research." he swallowed hard. "About shinigami. I wanted to see if there was anything in Near's system about them. Of course he has pages about them, fucking sheep."

I laughed at the old insult he'd made for the albino. He had missed that name. He was also laughing at the slightly breathless tone Mello had to his voice. He was breathing nearly on they guy's neck, of course.

"Maybe he hasn't actually spoken to a shinigami yet, and then you'll be a step ahead. Ask him about all the rules, maybe a clue is in there. You could sell it to him for something if you wanted. I'm pretty sure he still has a picture of you from Wammy's. I destroyed all the ones I had, but Near would have no reason to do so."

He made sure his lips grazed his neck as he spoke. He was being entirely serious of course. It was really a likely idea, and with Kira being able to kill with a face, a picture was bad to have around. Mello gave a shaky nod but he could see his mind was far from matters involving killers and death notes.

His breathing was slightly frantic, his pupils were dilated, he was shaking like a leaf, his cheeks were flushed prettily. Matt smiled to himself. That was one experiment marked down as a success. The rest would have to wait until later.

"You want me to help? I could find where Near is faster than you can. I'll even book you a ticket to get there." Mello gave another nod, mumbling something about having to lie down for a bit. Matt hid his smirk as he watched the blond trip over things he normally would have avoided easily. Experiment number one was a big success.

Experiment number 2 was probably the most fun. He was anticipating it all day, so much so that he had almost missed several securities surrounding Near's computer system. He found the sheep's location – a huge building in New York, how inconspicuous – and booked a flight for several weeks later at Mello's request. He had also gotten a ticket for himself for an hour later, also at Mello's request, so he'd have some form of protection while he was there. That was a bit intimidating for him, if he hesitated at the wrong moment, if something happened and he messed up, he could lose Mello.

He refused to let that fear show as he crawled under the covers with the blond. He snuggled close, which was rare for them. They only ever woke up close to each other because of some movement during the night, doing it purposely. That was entirely different. It had happened a few times when they were younger but not since they had met up again.

He earned a small look of shock from Mello, but he made no move to shove the redhead away. Actually he did the opposite. He pulled him close and ran his fingers through his hair gently. Matt bit back a gasp and forced his mind to focus. He could count this experiment a success already but he couldn't resist pushing it just a bit farther. If he didn't push him away then the rest of the game was his.

He turned his head where it lay on Mello's chest and pressed his lips to the skin beneath. He was glad the leather vest he had been wearing earlier had been discarded to the floor, it made his job so much easier. Mello's breath hitched and Matt smiled against his chest. He nipped at the skin gently, soothing it with his tongue. He couldn't leave marks with the clothes the blond wore but it was good enough to see the reaction it caused.

"Matt, what are you doing?" his voice was restrained. The redhead couldn't tell if it was anger or something else he was trying to keep back. He bit at the skin again before giving a hum of acknowledgement and no answers.

"Matt… answer me…" his voice was more strained now, almost pleading. He took pity on the boy and answered him, albeit in a creative truth kind of way.

"I'm kissing you. What does it look like?"

"Yes I can see that." He paused to bite back some sound he didn't want Matt to hear. "The question is _why_ are you kissing me?"

"That's a very good question." he said, knowing the blond really couldn't care for the answer when he licked a slow path up to his collarbone. He continued to bite and lick his way along Mello's neck and chest, careful not leave any permanent marks. Mello complained and blushed up to his ears but Matt refused to stop until he earned a moan from the boy. Let's see Frankie do that in under ten minutes.

Smiling smugly to himself, he buried his face in Mello's abused chest and let himself drift off to sleep listening to the boy's breathing return to normal. Experiment number two was another big success.

Neither boy knew about what prying eyes had seen that night nor the decision that could change everything they knew coming in the far too near future.

Matt walked with a new pride after his experiments with Mello provided favorable results. He knew Mello wanted him; he just needed to worry about the two ton gorilla watching them every time they were within sight.

He didn't know Frankie had seen the entire thing. From the second he put his arms around Mello in the chair until he fell asleep, he had been watching and planning. He wasn't a smart man and he knew that. But he could kill anything he chose and he chose Matt.

**A/N: yup yup chapter 4! this is now my longest story that i actually updated! finally out of my awful funk! again its a bit short but i was sick give me a break. i love the experiments though! and since i hate writing in 3rd person and i really just cant continue this like that im going to switch it to first person. its so much better like that anyway. **

**next chapter will be better!!! the action starts!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

Frankie

I didn't put up with Mello's mood swings for nothing, I put up with them in the pretense of getting the blond to fall for me – or at least sleep with me. I wasn't really the monogamist type. I wanted the blond under me, moaning my name, but I had to get rid of that stupid, redheaded nerd first.

It really shouldn't be that hard. Just shoot the bastard while he was asleep right? No, genius Mello had thought of that and made sure they slept in the same bed, which only made me want to put a bullet in the guy's head even more. He also made sure he was closest to the door and blocking most of Matt from view. Even if I tried, there was a good chance I would hit Mello instead.

Mello had thought of everything. He never let the redhead out of his sight, and in the rare instances he did, he was timing him. he was counting how long it took every time the guy left the room. There was no way to get to him without alerting the blond. I had managed to get a few guys to threaten him; they thought it was the whole pick on the new guy joke – yes, hardened criminals liked to laugh at the expense of a small, nerdy kid too. The boy was smart though, I'd give him that much. He managed to pick the threat out of someone else's joke and knew it was from me. It almost made me feel he was worthy of the blond trophy. Almost.

He even noticed the guys cleaning their guns while he was in the room for the threat it was. It was standard for us to do whenever there was a new recruit, but he determined the underlying meaning to it. We'd kill him if he messed with any of us, whether Mello liked it or not.

After what I saw last night though, he was going to die. He had ignored every threat, he had disregarded the fact I could kill him in ten seconds should I choose to. He had touched Mello, made him gasp and moan, after I told him not to lay a finger on the boy. And now he was going to die for it. All I needed was a window of opportunity.

How nice of Mello to give it to me too. The boy wanted to move to a different safe house with the notebook so we would be harder to trace. Such good timing he has. It would be impossible to keep and eye on Matt while he was giving orders for all of his computers and chocolate and shit to be moved. I just had to wait until he was most busy and then make my move.

Matt

We were moving. Apparently the notebook was risky to have here since we're so secluded and some Japanese man had been here with his daughter. Mello had sent the Death Note to the new…safe house I guess, by missile – where the hell he got a missile I'll never know. I don't think I'll ever want to either. But it's untraceable so he doesn't need to worry about that in the whole move.

Things have been a bit…different since my experiments. I noticed Mello more than I used to and I felt my heart flutter when he walked in the room. I don't know how he felt about what I did exactly, except that he liked it a lot, but he's been watching me more. I can always tell when it's him or Frankie. Mello's are questioning and curious stares that make me want to turn around and answer every question his genius mind may have. Frankie's are just pure evil. He was starting to remind me of a hunting tiger, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. I knew he was waiting for me to be completely alone so he could do _something_ I just didn't know what that something was. Honestly, I think I knew I just didn't want to think about it.

He was definitely being more pronounced with his threats though. Mello saw the worst of them and said nothing; I could see the tension in his shoulders while he forced himself calm though. It was there only if you knew where to look. I also noticed the increased mess in the room later, like someone had thrown everything they owned in agitation. I cleaned most of it up for him, I knew if someone didn't he'd through another tantrum and it wouldn't be as tame. Mello was different but he was still Mello.

I was having trouble sleeping tonight. It was the night before we were supposed to move. I had spent all day with Mello packing his eight tons of leather into boxes along with my small amount of clothing and handhelds. My laptop had to stay on while we moved since it was the only computer that held every scrap of information we'd collected. I had six backups but it was easier to just leave it on and carry it on the plane – or whichever vehicle we were traveling in – with me. I couldn't use most of it with out the full system connected but it was important to keep checking to be sure everything was still secure. Mello and I were a bit OCD about or computers.

I was exhausted but sleep refused to come. I could hear Mello sleeping next to me, his breathing even and soft. He looked like a girl when he slept, and I mean that in the best way possible. He was calm and quiet and I loved him even more when I saw him like this. I wished there were windows so I could see the sun reflecting off his hair, so I could stare without him knowing I was. I guess that's why I couldn't sleep, I was staring at Mello too much.

It just wasn't fair that someone could be this beautiful and still feel like they weren't good enough. If I had it my way, he would be where Near was right this moment, and I would be next to him making sure he didn't work himself to death. There'd be no Mafia, no Frankie, nothing that could hurt us until we were in control. He would be safe and I would protect him with everything I had. I could do that here sure, but I wasn't in control. I couldn't use a gun, couldn't go hand to hand with these guys. I was the type to fight with intellect, Mello was the physical fighter, it was one of the many things he was good at.

I sighed and rolled away from Mello. If I didn't sleep now I'd be tired on the trip and someone – Frankie especially – would take advantage of that. And now I could feel Frankie's eyes on me again. Why the hell was he watching through the door anyway? Didn't I lock it? The bastard picked the lock didn't he? Which means he probably saw my little experiments with Mello. Fucking jackass, can't keep his eyes to himself. At least that explained his death glares. He must be mad I can get that reaction out of Mello while he'll never even be able to touch a single hair on his head.

A smug smile made its way across my lips. I wished the bastard could have seen it, but if he saw I was awake he might try and shoot me, Mello's body blocking me be damned. I ignored him and let myself think of the slightly smaller room Mello had mentioned we would be sharing this time tomorrow, finally falling asleep.

The next day was a flurry of movement. Everyone was taking boxes to a truck Mello had had me rent for the stuff we couldn't bring on a plane, which turned out to be a lot. We had enough clothes for three days with us along with any computers we could fit in out luggage. The Death Note had been retrieved a few days ago and was waiting for us along with the Shinigami. I had to force myself not to laugh when I saw the line they made to move everything. It was like watching some race. I went to Mello's room to get the last of my stuff and laugh a bit without being threatened. That was my first mistake though. Mello couldn't go with me, he had to make sure no one broke anything since we didn't have the money to fix half the stuff we needed. He said I would be fine, that everyone was too busy to bother me. I thought the same thing, it would make sense since we had so much stuff.

But we were both so wrong. He was waiting for me. He was just behind the door when I walked in. he had a reasonable length of rope ready, it looked long enough to… tie me up. Fucking A. I at least thought he would have waited to try until we got away from here. We were blowing the place up for fuck's sake! What was he going to do? Tie me up and leave me here to wait until they blew everything up? Shit. Mello's things had already been brought up too. There was no reason for him to come back down. No one was going to find me; I was going to die…

All this ran through my head in the first five seconds after seeing Frankie step from behind the door. I knew it was right too, I could see it in his eyes. He was going to kill me. I was never going to tell Mello how I felt; I was going to die without every finding out what his answer would be. And if I wasn't with him…who would watch out for him? No one here cared, they'd let him go through with some insane plan that would end up killing him. I couldn't leave him alone…not now, not ever. He was _mine_ god dammit! He was my everything! What was he to this thug? Nothing, nothing but a piece of ass. I wouldn't leave him alone like this.

I lunged forward, hitting Frankie in the gut with the full force of my body. It wasn't much but he hadn't been expecting it. He stumbled back before catching himself, a mean glint in his eyes. I knew I couldn't take him down, I just had to get him away from the door so I could run out and get to Mello. He wouldn't touch me then.

I pulled out the gun Mello had given me, quickly taking the safety off. It was a stupid move but I was desperate. He pulled out his gun much quicker than I had, the safety was never on his. I had better aim, he pointed it right at my head. He might not shoot there, go for the stomach instead, a bigger target, but it was a distraction to have a gun pointed at your face and he knew it.

I took calming breaths, knowing if I didn't pay close attention he would just shoot me and that would be the end. I analyzed the problem as best I could. If I could get him to circle, like in those cheesy movies, then I could be at the door. Then I just needed a distraction to get him to look the other way while I ran. There was nothing to distract him with though! Fuck my luck.

He smiled viciously, moving forward with the rope. "I don't want to shoot you Matt. I need to keep you down here, but I don't want you to die yet." He was actually happy about killing me. What the hell was wrong with these people?

"Gee thanks, that makes me feel so much better. I'll just lie down and let you tie me up then." I tried to start the circling, but he wouldn't budge and I wasn't going to get close enough to him to let him get a hand on me. He was going to tie me up, not shoot me. Not yet. I needed a way out.

"I wonder if Mello will even care when they find your body." he spoke as if commenting the weather. "He only brought you here so he could use you, you know. He doesn't really care about you at all. He had to keep you near him, had to protect you, so he could use you to catch Kira. He didn't care if you died after that."

I knew he was just trying to force me into going after him. I knew he wasn't telling the truth, but his words were cutting deep. He was answering every question that had been in the back of my mind, giving me the answers I most terrified to hear. He wasn't smart, but he knew how to read people. He knew I loved Mello.

"You're lying. Mello and I have been friends for years. He'd never use me like that. He cares about me." I was clutching at strings here, bidding my time. I couldn't die yet. Mello needed me.

His lips pulled up in a smirk. "Why would I lie about that? And if you two were such good friends, why did he leave you alone to come here? Why did he leave you for me?"

I wanted to hit. I wanted to make that fucking smirk fall from his face. I lunged forward again, hitting him in the face this time. The gun was heavier than my fist. I got enough momentum behind it that I knocked out a few teeth. He wasn't happy with that. He hit the back of my neck with his elbow sending me to the ground.

"Matty, Matty, Matty. Didn't anyone ever teach you not to fight with people bigger than you?" he spit blood near my head. I could see the hallway two feet away. All I had to do was get up and I was safe. He wouldn't shoot me. I'd be able to get Mello and everything would be OK.

I tried standing and felt a foot come down hard on my back. He pushed down hard, forcing me back onto my stomach. Something was digging into my chest. I forced my arm under me to grab it. It was Mello's rosary. He must have dropped it getting changed and didn't realize it. I clutched it close wishing I could see him again, just one last time.

Frankie was pulling me up by the back of my shirt. I slipped the rosary around my neck. I wasn't much for praying or God, but I asked anyone who was listening to let me live, just let me tell Mello I loved him.

I could feel the rope being wrapped around my wrists behind me, and my ankles. He hit the back of my head with his gun and I felt pain blossom through my skull. A thick liquid made its way down my neck and under my shirt. Great so now I wasn't just going to get blown up, I was going to bleed to death. My vision went fuzzy and I couldn't concentrate anymore.

Mello…I'm sorry…I love you…

And the blackness consumed me.

**A/N: chapter 5!!! i love it! and im sorry for the cliffhanger i just had to end it there though. i love 1st person so much its so much easier. I hated writing Frankie's POV thats why its so short. being mean to Matt just isn't in me. i feel so bad for hurting him like this. i shall make it up to him though!!!**

**on a sad note, this might only have 1 more chapter. it depends how things go with the next one. the next one is Mello though!!! i love him almost as much as i love Matty**

**reviews make me happy i tells you!**


	6. Chapter 6

Mello

God I was glad to have Matt back. I would never have gotten in to Near's system with these idiots. Sure they had some good connections, like the plane we were going to use and the missile – I don't even want to know how they got that thing, I'm just glad Matt knew how to work it – but they could barely turn a computer on let alone hack a major system. And that is why I will be forever grateful to Matt. Well, that and the fact he's the only person ever to stay with me longer than five minutes. I was a dick, but at least I knew it. I just couldn't be bothered to change.

But why in the name of all that is chocolate did that boy have to do those _things_ to me? He made me fucking moan for Christ's sake! I didn't even know how I felt about the guy and he was kissing me _everywhere_. And I liked it. Hell, I wanted more of it. More of him.

Why the hell did I feel that? Hadn't we only been friends when I left? Sure, we kissed a few times and slept in the same bed enough, but I had always written it off as normal teenage hormones. Of course, there were all those times Matt had stared at me like I was the only thing on the planet…I had just thought he was spaced out though… Damn! I was so stupid sometimes! He fucking loved me! True he hadn't told me but I knew it.

What the hell do I even say to that!? We're both guys that's completely unnatural! Or was it… I had never thought much about it before to be honest. I was always too busy trying to get ahead of Near to think of much besides school. There was no school now though, I could think of it if I wanted. Did I want to though? What the hell? He loved me, didn't he? Might as well see if the feelings mutual.

Well…I loved him, I knew that. He was best and only friend. My family. We never had anyone but each other. But was I _in_ love with him? Being honest with myself, yeah, I'm pretty sure I was. I loved his games, and the way he can always divide his attention between them and me without missing a single second of either. I loved those stupid goggles because I was one of the maybe two people in the world he had not worn them around. I loved the color of his eyes because no one else knew what an icy blue they were compared to mine. I loved how his shirts hid any clue that he might actually look good without them. I loved how he was more than capable of succeeding L on his own, but stayed with me instead. I loved his quiet nature and I loved when he was mad he looked like he could really kill someone even though he'd never have the heart to.

Yes, I was in love with Matt.

And it took me this long to notice. I've only known the guy…Jesus almost ten years! What the hell is wrong with me!?

I forced my breathing to return to normal as I saw Matt walking over to me. He was the same person he'd always been, but after that little revelation…he looked different. Like he was surrounded by some white light and if I was lucky it would spread to me as well. Had he always walked that way? It looked like he thought he was God's gift to earth the way he moved. When had he started doing that? He was even catching the stares of a few of the guys, which pissed me off to no damn end.

Especially Frankie. He was the worst. He kept looking at Matt like he wanted to eat him. I hated it. And that one night, Matt had looked back at him with an almost hungry possessiveness. It made me want to rip the fucking gorilla apart for even thinking about Matt. He wasn't nearly good enough for him. no one was, that's just the way it was, myself included. I knew I wasn't good enough to have him, I wasn't even good enough to breath the same air as him let alone touch him.

I had left him behind. And for what? A group of morons who couldn't figure out two plus two if I gave them the answer. I was an awful friend.

"Mello, I'm gonna grab the last of my stuff from the room. You want me to go alone or is it not safe?" Had his voice always sounded so beautiful?

"I think you can go alone. Everyone should be loading the trunk anyway." I couldn't go into that room with him right now. I'd do something I knew I would regret later.

"Kay, be back in a few minutes."

"No longer than five, Matt." Just to be safe. Some of them still looked like they might hurt him.

"Yes Mother." God I loved his sarcasm. I flipped him off anyway. His laugh was brilliant. It rang through the dry desert air long after he was gone.

Could these idiots do anything right? One of them had dropped a very important, very expensive piece of computer equipment. Hopefully Matt could fix it when we got settled. He was better with these things that me anyway.

I got caught up yelling at everyone, I don't really know the reason for it, I just felt like yelling, and forgot that Matt hadn't come back in the five minutes. By the time I noticed, the truck was packed and the two driving were pulling away. How long had that been? An hour? More?

I did I quick check to be sure I hadn't just missed him. It was unlikely since I had been watching him every second of the day lately, but I had to check. No, he wasn't here. The only ones left were the three idiots trying to figure out how to rig the charge to blow the place up once we were far enough away. Shit, that meant Frankie was missing too.

I swear if I caught them doing_ anything_ Frankie would wish he had never heard of me. I'd spend the rest of my life, which probably wouldn't be that long, trying to get Matt to love me if I had to. I wasn't losing him now and certainly not to that…thing. I may not deserve him yet, but once Kira was out of the way I was going to be the kind of person Matt would be proud of, the kind that deserved someone like him.

I stormed through the building, looking in every room as best o could. There was nothing they could hide behind really. Most of the furniture was in the truck but the doors swung in so they could have hidden behind them. Every empty room just made me madder. Where the hell were they? If they didn't get out now, they could get stuck down here when the charges blew. Not that they could now that I was down here too, but the idiots might blow them anyway just to be their own boss. Fucking A I hated these guys. Maybe Kira would get them? They were all on the FBI most wanted list after all.

I had walked past my own room several times now. Why would they be in there anyway? It would be the first place I went if I came down for any other reason. Matt was smart, if he was hiding it would be somewhere no one expect…shit.

I ran back the way I came. I so far away though. It would take a good five minutes even running. Why the hell was I always this stupid when it came to Matt? I growled and pushed myself forward. I heard a whimper somewhere ahead and I pushed harder. That wasn't a good sound. Some part of my brain registered that it was Matt making that noise. He never made any noise that showed pain, even when he had fallen from that tree at Wammy's he never made a single noise and he had broken his leg in at least five places.

My door was finally in sight, shadows from inside were thrown across the floor. There was a thump and another cry of pain. Shit, this bastard was hurting him. He was hurting _my _Matt.

I pushed through the door just in time to see Matt's eyes slip shut. He was unconscious and I could see the blood staining his shirt from here. What the fuck was going on? I thought Frankie and he were…together. I never thought that he would be doing something like this. Why the hell had I let him come down alone.

I could see blood pooling on the floor under Matt's head. Shit he was losing too much blood. His hands and feet were tied together behind him. It didn't look comfortable whether he was unconscious or not. I could feel the panic and anger rising in my stomach. I wanted to kill Frankie for this almost as much as I wanted to rush Matt to the nearest hospital. Kira be damned, if he died because of me that was the end. I wasn't going through life without Matt. Never again.

Frankie reached down to hit Matt's back with a fist. I heard a small crack and I snapped.

I hit him with every bit of my weight. I wasn't heavy but I was strong and I knew it. He didn't know. He tried to hit me with a gun before he realized who I was and froze.

"M-Mello, what're you doing down here? I thought you were packing the truck…"

I didn't let him say anything more than that. I pulled my gun from my waistband – cliché I know, but convenient – and fired. I missed his chest but I got a few shots in his arm. He didn't look happy, but who would?

"What the fuck did you do to him?" I barely kept my voice below a scream. I saw him flinch anyway gripping his injured arm tighter.

"He was saying he was going to kill you Boss. Yeah…he wanted to be the boss, so he was asking for my help. I said no and he tried to shoot me. I had to defend myself…" This guy really was stupid if he thought I would believe that crock. Matt didn't have one bad bone in his body and he would never even threaten another person's life.

I didn't even justify his lie with words. I just shoved him aside and ripped the ropes off Matt's body. He was still unconscious but the bleeding had stopped and his breathing was fine. I laid him on the bed that was still there and turned to face Frankie. He was going to die for this if it was the last thing I did.

But he wasn't backing down. He was…standing up to me. He had his gun pointed at me, his eyes tortured. What the hell was going on here? Matt was unconscious and now some crazy Mafia guy was trying to kill me for whatever reason. This made no sense.

He seemed to see my issue comprehending and decided to enlighten me.

"You're friend loves you, you know. He really does. He's been pushing me away from you all this time because he loves you. I told him you didn't love him back, that you loved me. He didn't like it. He wanted to kill me. I had to defend myself, defend our love Mello." he looked like this should be common knowledge. I just stared at him like he was crazy.

"When the hell have we ever been in love?"

"Since you got here! I know you're shy about it but I know! It's OK! We can be together! Once we get out of here, you can forget all about this thing and we can be happy!"

He was getting to the side of crazy that had always frightened me. What the hell was he talking about, forgetting this thing? Did he mean Matt? How could I ever forget Matt?

"We are NOT in love! You may love me but I don't feel anything for you other than disgust! Now get the fuck out of here and get a car! We need to get Matt to a hospital now!"

"NO! We are in love! WE ARE!"

"No we're not! I love Matt dammit! Now get the fuck out of my way so I can help him!" I was reaching hysterics at this point. I needed to get Matt out of here before this guy hurt him more. He looked like he was going to kill something and I didn't have the patience to talk him out of it at the moment.

"Mello…" his voice was softer than before, filled with regret. What did he regret? Hurting Matt? "I'm sorry Mello… But if I cant be with you, no one can."

He turned his uninjured toward me, barrel directly in my line of sight. He was going to kill me? Isn't that a bit romance novel? It crossed my mind that I might die, but what stuck was that if I died, Matt died too.

I couldn't let that happen. There would be no world if it weren't for Matt. I couldn't let him get hurt. Not because of me. I had to tell him I loved him dammit!

I looked back at him, wishing he would wake up and we could just run out of here. I wasn't going to get far carrying him. This was the first time I noticed the rosary on his chest. It was mine. When had he gotten it? I thought I had been wearing it. His hand was clasped around it, almost as if he had been praying. I smiled. He was Atheist and he was wearing a rosary, why? Was it because…it was mine? God I wished he would wake up.

I could hear Frankie coming closer. He really was going to kill us. I turned and faced him; I wasn't going down without a fight. I just had to wait for an opening.

I was so focused on getting a clear shot that I didn't acknowledge the small movements behind me.

One second I was facing a human wall and the next there was a stripped shirt blocking my path.

Matt was ok?

He had a lot of dried blood covering his back and he was a bit shaky but he was standing. He was blocking Frankie's shot.

"Matt, move NOW! You shouldn't be involved in this!" I couldn't let him stand there and protect me like this. It wasn't right. He would just get himself killed.

"No Mells. I'm not moving until this bastard is dead and I know he can't hurt you." I had never heard such a strong tone in his voice before. He was seriously going to kill someone. For me.

"Matt…"

"Mello!" He never shouted like that. "I'm not moving! I had you leave me once I'm not going through that hell again! I won't! If I let this jackass hurt you I'll never forgive myself! And if he kills me then fine! As long as I don't have live in a world without you! I'm not going to stand around and let him hurt you! I won't let anyone hurt you again! I love you too much to see that!"

I didn't know he cared that much. He was willing to die for me…because he loved me. I didn't deserve that. _He _didn't deserve that. I wasn't going to let him get hurt over me.

"Matt…I'm sorry." I pushed him aside and ran into Frankie. Matt was right behind me, his gun pointed at the gorilla.

"Mello, move." He didn't shout, he barely spoke, but I listened. I moved as close to his side as possible, staring at his finger placed on the trigger, ready to pull.

"Matt, you don't need to shoot him. We can just leave him here. Please." I wasn't going to have him be a killer for me.

"No, Mells I need to do this. I ne-"

"You are not becoming a killer for me Mail Jeevas! Never! If you pull that trigger I will never speak to you again!"

It was harsh and I knew it but I had to protect him, even as he protected me. He wasn't going to destroy himself for my sake.

For a moment it looked like he wouldn't listen. Then, slowly, he lowered his hand, dropping the weapon to the floor. I sighed in relief, Frankie laughed.

"Well, now its my turn to threaten I guess." He pointed his gun at me again. Seriously, this guy needed help? "I'll kill you first _Mells_." He said my nickname like it was something disgusting. I heard Matt growl next to me and reached over to squeeze his hand. I didn't expect him to grab mine and squeeze back. It made my heart flutter. If I was going to die, at least I was dieing knowing he loved me.

Frankie took aim one last time and fired.

Everything seemed to slow down. I held my breath waiting for the inevitable pain. But it never came.

There was a flash of red and then silence. Matt was standing in front of me again. He was still, so still. And then he fell forward and I could breath.

Then my world exploded. I pulled the trigger of my own gun, not bothering to aim. I just wanted to hit every inch of skin I could. I had to make him pay. He had to die.

He had killed Matt, sweet, innocent, eccentric Matt. He didn't deserve to be on the same planet as him and he had taken his life.

I wanted to curl next Matt and cry, to die next to him. I just couldn't let this monster get away with taking my only friend, my family.

He was motionless long before I stopped shooting. I emptied the entire round into his body, not stopping until my gun did. It was only after he fell that I looked down at Matt.

There was no blood. That was odd. Wasn't there supposed to be blood when someone got shot? Frankie was bleeding, why wasn't Matt?

I flipped him over desperate to see what the problem was. If there was any chance he could be alive.

I nearly sobbed when I saw what happened. The bullet, the tiny bullet, had hit the rosary around Matt's neck. It wasn't even a big rosary, but right there in the center of the cross was the bullet. I almost laughed at how insane it was. What were the chances of this actually happening?

He moved his head and I quickly put it in my lap. He was going to be OK. Everything was. He moaned and moved his hands and feet.

"I'm alive?" he looked up at me. "Or is this Heaven? It's 'cause I was wearing the rosary wasn't it?" His voice was groggy

I couldn't help but laugh. I was so glad he was alive.

"Definitely Heaven. Mello never laughed like that before." He sighed. "At least I saved him before I died."

"You idiot. You're not dead." He blinked in surprise.

"Well, that's just weird. You wouldn't laugh like that normally. What the hell's going on?" He tried to stand but fell back against me.

"I'll tell you later. Just go to sleep for now." I didn't want to let him sleep, but his eyes were drooping and he looked ready to pass out.

"'Mk. Night Mells. Love you." And he was out.

**A/N: wheee! i love this chapter! and its not a cliff hanger... well in my opinion it isn't anyway. i love writing Mello, he's so much fun! and brave little Matty! i'm so proud of him *sniffle* and this ISN'T the last chapter! i want to do one more from Matt's POV before i even think about ending it. **

**thank you to everyone who reviewed! they made me want to write more so i could get it up! i love you all!**


	7. Chapter 7

Matt

It was dark. Everything was so dark. And pain. So much pain. Where the hell was I? Was I dead?

No, when you die there's no pain, right? What about Hell? Was there pain there? Is that where I was?

No. I didn't want to be dead yet. I had so much to tell him. I couldn't die without telling him.

And what about that gorilla? Where was he? I remember stepping in front of Mello, keeping the gorilla back. I remember pain and then…nothing. Just a lot of noise and pain.

A light hit my eyes. Too bright. I thought death was less painful. Can't I just have a break? I lost Mello, I didn't need to be in constant pain too. It's just not fair. Then again…life wasn't fair why would death be?

"Matty…"

Voices? Are there voices in Hell? It's too beautiful for this place. That voice doesn't belong here. _He_ doesn't belong here. Please, send him somewhere else. He's a good person, he doesn't deserve this place. Please…

"Matty… wake up… please…"

Such a beautiful voice. I want to wake up, I really do, but I don't know if I can. I want to give everything to that voice, so beautiful. The most beautiful sound in the world.

Cold drops fall on my face. Rain? Rain in Hell? Well, that's far from what I expected.

No, not rain. Not consistent enough for rain. Tears? Who would be crying? It's not me.

"Matt…"

Ah, the voice is crying. Rather, the owner of the voice is. Why is he crying? He shouldn't cry. He has so much to be happy about, crying just won't do. I have to get up and tell him that. But the light…I don't want to face it…too bright.

"Matt…Please get up…I don't know what I'll do without you…"

He's playing dirty now. He can do plenty without me. Much more than with me. I'm not worth your tears, Mello. Please stop crying.

Even if I can't open my eyes I have to tell him. I open my mouth and I'm not sure if the sound I hear is me. It sounds so soft, so…broken. That's not my voice. Wonder why it's repeating me though. Creepy.

"Mello…s-stop crying…I'm not worth it…" Oh, that is my voice. So weird. I never heard it sound like that before. I wonder if its because I'm dead.

"Matt? You're OK? Can you…can you open your eyes?" He sounds so relieved. I'm glad. But…OK? Am I? I don't know. I feel warm now and the pain…it's starting to leave. Maybe…maybe I'm not dead?

But I took a bullet. I know I did. I felt it. It hit the center of my chest. It hurt so much. How could I not be dead with all that pain?

"Matt come on…open your eyes. I promise everything's OK now."

Well if Mello says so…

Was it always this hard to open my eyes? It feels like I glued them together. It hurts almost as much as the light does.

"Ouch…" My voice sounds a little better. Wonder what was wrong with it… I can see everything now. No, not everything, but everything in front of me. Blond hair. Blue eyes, so much darker than my own. I love them all so much. I want to touch that hair, but my arms won't move.

Oh, a smile. So beautiful.

"Matty, you're alive. I-I thought you were dead…"

Thought? So I'm not dead? I could have sworn I was.

Now there's water flowing into my mouth. It's cool, I like it. My throat doesn't seem so closed after it too. I can start to move my hands. I wiggle my fingers, flex my arm. Feet? Those are working now too. Everything seems fine. Except my head. It hurts, like someone hit me. Oh, they did. I remember that. And blood. I was bleeding.

"Mells, I wanna sit up. Can you help?"

He obliges, smile still in place. I know he's glad my voice is better. I wish I could sit up on my own though.

His face is so close to mine as he helps me. I can see his lips, that smile, so close. If I just lean forward…

I touch our lips together. His are soft and warm, they taste just like chocolate. He smiles into it and pushes back for a moment before pulling away. I want to cry at the loss of contact.

"Good to see you're still you. You've been out for days." He sits back on the edge of the couch I can see I'm lying on.

"Where are we?" He rolls his eyes.

"The new hide out. I couldn't just leave you like this in the desert. Everything was already on its way here. I had to fix your head in a plane, we were in such a rush. Everyone thought you were dead when we got out of there, you didn't even move when I gave you stitches." Well, that's a new one. Never thought he could stitch anything. Must be a new talent.

"So what happened? I remember getting shot and then nothing. Why aren't I dead? Not that I want to be, I just thought I was…" I really wanted to know how I survived something like that. Even I knew the possibility of living from a gun shot at point blank range wasn't very likely. And why was he smiling like that?

"You're never going to believe this. The shot, it hit that rosary you were wearing. See?" He held up a string of red beads, a dented cross with what looked like a bubble sticking from the center dangling on the end. I almost laughed.

"So…I was saved by a rosary? What the hell? How often does that happen?" I really was laughing now. And so was he, it sounded so beautiful. "So what about Frankie?"

I honestly didn't care about that pig, but I had to know if he was gone or not.

"Well…I thought you were dead so…I kinda…shot him…" He looked so embarrassed about it. It was cute.

"So? Who cares? He was disgusting. And that means I won, since I'm here and he's not."

"Yeah…but I might have…emptied the entire gun into him…I was so mad…you know." I smiled at him. I really didn't care if that was the outcome but…he was that mad over me? I wasn't worth that. Not after the stupid stunt I pulled. I told him as much.

He scoffed and leaned in close, keeping his eyes locked onto mine. "You are more than worth it, especially after what you did. If you hadn't neither of us would be here right now." I opened my mouth to tell him he was wrong and he put a finger over my lips. "No complaints and no telling me that I'm wrong. He was crazy, he was going to kill us all and he wasn't about to stop for anything. If he had killed me he would have gone for you next and you know it. And if you hadn't stepped in the way, I wouldn't have been able to kill him and you sure as hell couldn't. You were half asleep through the whole thing. He hit you pretty hard, I'm surprised you even got up at all. You saved us both Matt, so don't ever say you aren't worth it again. You mean everything to me."

I could feel the lump forming in my throat. I meant everything to him. I was worth killing someone to him. He was angry when he thought I was dead. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks but I didn't care. I was just so happy.

I threw my arms around Mello's neck and pulled him back towards me, connecting our lips again. He didn't pull away this time. He groaned and pushed back hard, placing his hand behind me and making me lie down again. I smiled and licked his bottom lip, hoping he would let me in. He groaned again and opened his mouth, pushing his tongue to tangle with mine. He was sitting on my waist now and I couldn't help but moan at the pressure. All too soon though he was pulling away for air. I looked up at him, wanting more.

He laughed. "Don't pout, it's too cute. You're still sick and you need to eat. You've out for at least four days." I pouted more. Who needs food when you have Mello? He laughed again and gave me a quick kiss before climbing off me and heading out of the room.

I sighed and looked around. There was a bed in one corner, large enough for two people to be comfortable, and a desk with what I recognized as my computer sitting on top of it, surrounded by books and a few other parts of the system from Los Angeles. The floor was littered with leather and boots. I smiled. It was just like out old room and it'd only been used for four days. He was so predictable. There was a T.V. too, and to my joy, all my old consoles hooked up to it. God I loved him.

Mello walked back in with a tray containing a bowl of something steaming – soup? - and a glass of water. I was surprised there wasn't any chocolate. He used to eat that stuff when he had the flu. Weird child. I really wanted a burger though. And video games.

"Eat this then you can go sleep on the bed, it's probably more comfortable than this thing." He kicked the couch cursing when it hurt his foot.

"Can I not eat and just play games?" He snorted and shoved the food over my lap.

"Eat and then ask me if you want to play games."

"Yes Mother."

His face seemed to fall at the joke. I looked at him, asking him what was wrong.

"I'm sorry I let you go in there by yourself Matt. It was stupid of me. None of this…You wouldn't…It's all my fault…" Ah, so that's what he was thinking.

"Mells, it's not your fault. He was waiting for me. He would have done the same thing, even if you went down there with me. And it's better that it happened this way anyway. If you had been down there from the start…it would have been worse…"

"No! If I had been there nothing would have happened! You wouldn't have gotten hurt because I would have protected you! It's my fault and nothing you say can change that! You almost _died_ Matt. Don't you understand that?" His shouting was giving me a headache.

How could he blame himself for this? It wasn't his fault at all.

"It wasn't your fault. And I'm fine now so you shouldn't beat yourself up over it." He wouldn't listen and I knew it, but it was worth a try.

"No…it was my fault. If I hadn't gotten you to help me, none of this would have happened. I was so scared Matt…I thought you were gone…I thought I had lost you…" I could see his shoulders shaking, see him forcing back tears. He was so stupid sometimes.

"Mells, I would have found you eventually anyway. I had been looking for you since day one. You really think I wouldn't have found you, that the same situation wouldn't have happened in a different place? And you think I wasn't scared? Why do you think I had that rosary on to begin with? I was terrified I was never going to see you again. But I was glad you weren't down there with me, that you were somewhere safe, even if I wasn't. I wanted to protect you for once, if it cost me my life so be it. What happened _wasn't _your fault and I'm glad it happened."

He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Why the hell are you glad? Do you want to die that much? Did you want to scare the fucking shit out of me? I haven't even fucking eaten Matt, I've been so worried. I wouldn't even leave your side to sleep." Damn...

"I'm glad because I was able to protect you. If I hadn't moved you wouldn't be here. And then where would I be? Do you think I want to live in a world without you? What the hell kind of world is that? If you had died…I would have killed myself…"

"Don't ever say that again. Never." he growled, leaning over me and almost spilling the bowl of soup to the floor. "If I ever die, you will _not_ kill yourself. You will fucking live the rest of your life and you will be happy. You hear me?" I nodded. He moved over to the desk and pulled a book to him, officially ending the conversation. I sighed. He was so stubborn.

After I finished the now cold soup and three glasses of water, and successfully kept it all down, he handed me a controller and let me play Zelda until my eyes started to get heavy. We hadn't spoken the entire time, but it wasn't awkward, we just didn't want to ruin the comfort.

He helped me climb into the bed, my legs still a bit shaky and not trusting myself not to trip on the wires and such, and pulled the sheets up to my chin before leaving to change. He was probably only gone a few minutes, but I had dozed in and out and was half asleep by the time he got back and crawled in next to me.

He was trying to give me space and was laying almost on the edge of the bed. I sighed and wiggled over to wrap my arm around his waist. He stiffened for a moment before moving to his back and pulling me up so my head rested on his chest. I planted a quick kiss to his neck before yawning and snuggling against him.

"Night, Mells. I love you, you know." It was probably stupid to say something like that but I really didn't care anymore. If I didn't tell him now, who's to say we wouldn't die tomorrow? As long as I'm alive I'm going to tell him everyday so maybe he'll eventually love me too.

I felt his lips press against my hair. "I love you too Matty. And thanks for everything." I smiled into his chest and fell asleep.

**A/N: i don't know if this is the end or not... i might do one more because i have a ending line thinger in mind but it didnt really fit this chapter... i'll try to get it before tomorrow night but i have some homework that i've been neglecting...**

**i love this chapter though! oh the kissing how i enjoy it! i almost didn't want to write this though because i was reading the manga for the first time (how pathetic is that?) and there was so much Matt and then he died and i was close to tears. he has a much bigger part in the manga than in the anime, i don't get why they didn't include that part. or a lot of other part as a matter of fact. but i have no control over it or there would be some big changes that would not be suitable for young children...**

**ANYWAYS! reviews are love and Matty loves them too! and they'll make me want to write more!  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**6 years later**

Matt

Everything was perfect, exactly the way it was meant to be. I had Mello, he had me, and there was nothing else we needed. Well, except cigarettes and chocolate and video games, but other than those few things, we had everything we wanted. Oh and books.

The funny thing was we had the time to read books, or beat every video game we wanted, or even just sit around and enjoy each others company. We did the last one in our own way…but still we had the time to.

The Kira case…was difficult. That's an extreme understatement but accurate as well I suppose. I honestly thought we were going to die at the end, but somehow we made it through, together. Mello believes it was God giving us a break. I still don't believe, despite the little coincidence with the rosary, but it's his opinion and he's entitled to it.

The only ones to die that day was Kira and Misa Amane. I feel…well, not bad, but not good, that they had to die. They were some OK people when they weren't trying to control the world. Well, Light Yagami was. Misa…she was a bit annoying as I found out during my time tailing her for Mello. Definitely not the most entertaining time of the last six years. But Mello had asked and everyone knows that I would give the world to him if he asked. I already give him a lifetime's supply of chocolate, how hard could an entire planet be?

I'm actually working on giving him the world. Not literally, but in a sense. I'm giving him whatever it is that will make him happy. He's still a bit touchy about not succeeding L, Near got that, but he always says he got something more important. I know he means me when he says that, even if he's too macho to say it out right, and I always hope I'm worth that kind of love.

We had bought a larger, much nicer apartment, and had been living together doing…odd jobs I guess, since everything ended. Like I said, we didn't need much other than each other. Near had thanked us for our help, which Mello, surprising everyone, had accepted with only a bit of resentment and even thanked him as well. It was a momentous day in our lives if there ever was one. Along with his thanks, he had given us several hundred thousand dollars, which was even more surprising, and had paid for the lifetime lease on the apartment. The odd jobs were for chocolate and cig money.

Mello burst in the door, throwing his keys on the small hall table before flopping next to me on the couch. He was moody because the detective job he had gotten was, for lack of a better word, elementary. Not surprisingly they all were to us. Kind of took the excitement out of life.

"I don't get why no one challenges us anymore!" he yelled, throwing his hands up in agitation. I smirked for my place next to him, knowing what was coming next. "I want cases like what Near has! The fucking puffball…" Everything always ended in wanting to be better than Near. Old habits die hard I suppose.

"Mells, you know very well that if anything happens to Near you take over, he said so himself." He opened his mouth to complain, probably about the fact Near was younger than him and therefore likely to die after him making my statement pointless. "Say another word about it and I'll hide all your chocolate and deny you sex for a month." He glowered but held his tongue all the same.

"Thank you." I smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek sweetly.

He scoffed, mumbling about me being a girly boy. I refused to rise to the insult, which in some instances was entirely correct, until I finished at least four more levels of my game. Apparently he didn't have the same idea of time management.

He threw his leg over my waist, kindly pausing my game for me, and took my lips hungrily. I faked a sigh of annoyance and kissed back just as fiercely. It always started out as a fight but we both knew who would win in the end. Frankly I just gave up some nights, it wasn't worth the fight when we both knew what the other wanted.

"Mells, as much as I enjoy doing it on the couch, I suggest we use the bed today. It seemed kind of lonely last night…"

He considered it for a moment before leaping lightly off me and throwing me over his shoulder. I squealed, not that I would ever admit that in public, and punched his back, jokingly threatening him with no chocolate or sex again. He ignored me in favor of throwing me unceremoniously on the bed. He smirked and crawled over to duplicate out position on the couch, with me lying down instead so his blond locks tickled my cheeks as he leaned down to kiss me.

I sighed into his chest; this is the saddest part of the day to me. He's asleep and I sit awake thinking of how things might have been different. I wouldn't change anything, not for the world, but if not for a freak accident and an extreme amount of luck neither of us would be here. I still don't believe in any type of god, Kira killed me of ever even considering that, but there has to be something that was keeping us safe.

We may very well go through something just as bad, have to walk through the fires of Hell for each other, and I'm perfectly alright with that. As far as I'm concerned, wherever Mello is, that is Heaven.

**A/N: yeah its kinda short...my mind blew up from near exhaustion. 5 hours of sleep in about 2 days just isn't good. but i still think it's short and sweet. kinda fruity but whatever. so this is the last chapter! i finally finished a fic that wasn't a one shot!!! im so proud right now!**

**thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and yesh! **


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